Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
