Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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