woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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