so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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