good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
