I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
