There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
