you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.