You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.