If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis