I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
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his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.