Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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