just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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