I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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