Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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