I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
