I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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