We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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