yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
