he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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