11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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