i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
