Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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