If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
