He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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