He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
