halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
