Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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