So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
