I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My friends, they love my intelligence
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
