when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
