we made out on top of his cat.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
