there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
