I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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