Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
