He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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