my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
