Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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