I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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