There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
