Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
