Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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