dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
