Your face is a jimmy john
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
