I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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