So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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