im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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