Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
