well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
