Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
