i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
