I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
