Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
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I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
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A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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