Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
