Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize