ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
