Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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