I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
