i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm sobbing to NWA
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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