i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
