first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This is the high leading the old right now
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
