why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
