That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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