I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
