It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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