considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
