I skipped work to stalk him.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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