dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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