I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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