This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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