I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
