Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
