I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
