Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
