I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
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i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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