I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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