Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
