YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
