I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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