Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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