Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
