you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
