we're blogging at a bar
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
