you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
